


i know even though i'm a fool

by UchiHime



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25075327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchiHime/pseuds/UchiHime
Summary: Felix is in love with Changbin; it's as much a joke as it is fact.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	i know even though i'm a fool

**Author's Note:**

> yes, the title is a reference to the stray kids song "on track" because creative i am not. 
> 
> i don't know what this fic is except that i finally watched the two kids +1 room ep with changbin, hyunjin, and felix and changbin saying he feels one sided love from felix and hyunjin saying they're not a love triangle because felix/changbin is love that's never been realized _did things to my emotions_. i didn't want to write it as a love triangle, but i came very close.

Felix is in love with Changbin. 

It’s kind of an open secret, as much a joke as it is fact. Felix had fallen hard and fast for Changbin hyung and everyone knew. Their members joke and tease him about it. Their fans analyze their every interaction and squeal about it. Everyone gets a laugh out of it.

Felix is in love with Changbin, it’s as simple as that.

Changbin does not love him back.

And that’s fine. It’s not like Felix needs him to. He’s not going to die from love unrequited. Sure, it would be nice to be loved back, but it’s enough that Changbin acknowledges his feelings and doesn’t push him away.

It’s enough that Changbin still treats him the same. That he accepts his hugs and initiates them in turn. That he doesn’t pull away when Felix can’t help but reach out and touch and that he reaches out in turn. It’s enough that he holds his hands and plays with his fingers and smiles at him in that soft way.

Felix would have been satisfied with even just crumbs of his affection, but Changbin continues to serve an entire feast. And it’s enough. Sure it’s like a feast of all Felix’s least favorite foods, but it’s better than nothing. Beggars can’t be choosers and Felix can’t be too greedy, so he tells himself that it’s enough.

Most of the time, it’s enough.

Most of the time he’s okay. Most of the time he can laugh through the teasing and tease back in turn. Most of the time he can smile when reminded of that one kiss that the entire world knows about. Most of the time he’ll just blush and giggle at the mention of “Changlix.”

But most of the time is not all the time.

The important part is that he keeps smiling. When the cameras are on, he has to be _on_ and his true emotions don’t matter. He can’t let it show when it hurts; when their members' jokes just hit wrong or he’s feeling extra sensitive and the fact that Changbin doesn’t love him back isn’t something he can laugh about. 

Changbin hyung doesn’t like seeing people hurt, so he’s infinitely gentle with Felix’s feelings. He always notices when things get too much. He tells others to stop when the jokes go too far. He offers reassurance and gentle affection. He asks Felix what he needs and he gives it to him. If Felix wants space, Changbin gives him space. If Felix wants to be held, Changbin wraps him in his arms and holds him close.

Changbin is a good person and that simultaneously makes things better and so much worse. Because, how can Felix not love him when he treats him with such care? Couldn’t he just give him a reason to hate him? 

Sometimes Changbin says to Felix “I love you” and Felix’s heart skips a beat and he has to remind himself that it’s not love in the way he so desperately craves. Changbin loves him the way he loves the rest of their group mates.

Changbin looks at Felix and sees a brother. Felix doesn’t want another brother. Felix wants Changbin to look at him and see the way they fit so perfectly together, hear the way their hearts beat as one, feel the way their souls resonate.

It doesn’t help that the world is watching. It doesn’t help that some days they’re told to play up the shipping angle for the sake of fanservice, and other days they’re told to tone it down for the sake of decency.

Maybe if they’d met in another place at another time when they weren’t both ceaselessly chasing an impossible dream. Maybe if they’d met as just Seo Changbin and Lee Felix and not as Stray Kids Changbin and Felix. Maybe if they were allowed to be themselves naturally all the time. Maybe if they’d had the chance to slowly learn each other and grow together…

The important part is that he keeps smiling. But sometimes the cameras are off but Felix doesn’t know how not to be _on_ and the Felix he has to be for the watching world isn’t someone Changbin can love. 

The lines between who he is and how he presents himself begins to blur. Bang Chan is worried he’s losing his accent, but Felix is worried he’s losing himself. He confesses this in the dead of night in the dorm room he shares with Changbin. The room is silent. Felix panics. “I’m being stupid, I’m sorry. My mind is just filled with dumb thoughts. It’s nothing. I’m going to sleep. Good night, Binnie hyung.”

A moment of silence, and then, “Good night, Yongbok.”

“Yongbok,” Hyunjin calls him, spreading his arms for Felix to step into. They’re in the living room of the dorm, settling down for a quiet night watching movies.

“Bokie,” Jisung needles as he waits impatiently for Felix to finish cooking, stealing scraps whenever he thinks Felix won’t notice.

“Yongbokie,” Minho groans, chastising, when he finds Felix up playing video games late into the night.

“Can you check this for me, Yongbok hyung?” Jeongin asks, holding up an English worksheet he’d been working on.

“Hey, Yongbok, can you go over the choreo with me again tomorrow?” Seungmin asks as they make their way back to their dorm.

“Yongbok,” Changbin says, voice thick with sleep but scooting over without a second thought to allow Felix to crawl into his bed, wrapping his arms around him and falling immediately back to sleep.

“I am Yongbok,” Felix says softly to himself, the name no longer foreign and unfamiliar to his ears.

“We are Changbok,” Changbin says on an unplanned Vlive that Felix can’t stay for. 

“I love Yongbok.” Changbin had written the first time they’d done a _Two Kids Room_ , back when Felix didn’t care for the name because it barely felt like his own. 

Felix is in love with Changbin, he doubts that’ll ever change. Changbin loves him too, even if it’s not quite in the same way. But that’s fine. It’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted it to have a kinda hopeful ending, but im not sure how well that came across?
> 
> so this is my first time writing rpf. shipping/writing about real people has always been this line i refused to cross and now here i am. changlix did this to me.
> 
> comment and tell me what you think.


End file.
